


Start Over?

by social_casualtyy



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Clemmings, Cuddle, Cute, Cutting, Death, Depression, Love, M/M, Michael/Luke, Muke - Freeform, Sad, Self-Harm, Sex, Smut, ashton's older, boy/boy, cute relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-28
Updated: 2015-10-15
Packaged: 2018-04-23 20:36:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4891276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/social_casualtyy/pseuds/social_casualtyy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Luke blames himself for killing his parents, he is forced to move in with his best friend Ashton, who lives with his girlfriend. There, he is introduced to Ashton's best friends, Calum and Michael, who help him get around in school.</p><p>The thing is, Luke started self-harming ever since the accident happened, and no one knows. That is, until one of the boys finds the razors, and the secret is out. </p><p>Romance blossoms between the pain, and everyone, even the other boys, are trying to find themselves after rejection and heartbreak.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First day, Worst day?

**Author's Note:**

> alright i just want to note that literally NOTHING that happens in this story is based on real life, it is literally all fictional. also, some parts are very triggering, so I will be putting warnings in the notes reminding everyone, just because I want you to be safe.  
> there is mention of death, and a car accident in this chapter, so just be aware of that.  
> ALSO, in this story, Ashton is a couple years older than the other boys, and he has already graduated high school, and the other boys are in their last year of school. 
> 
> ****this first chapter describes a death scene so****

Luke walked in and immediately knew it was a bad idea to show up at the school at all. Everyone, every single person in the class, turned to look at him with a curious, almost frightened stare. They didn't even try to hide it. Automatically looking down, Luke made his way to the very back corner, keeping his gaze away from anyone else's judgement look. Shrinking into his seat, Luke pulled out his binders, setting them onto his desk, then pulling his beanie lower onto his head. Suddenly, he heard the chair beside him get dragged along the floor, and he looked up to see a smiling face of a boy who Luke thought he recognized.

"Hey, I'm Calum, you know, Ashton's friend?" Finally realizing who the black-haired boy was, Luke nodded in acknowledgment. Glancing behind Calum, Luke saw another boy, who he realized was the second person Ashton was talking about; Michael. 

"Luke," he said quickly, quietly, trying not to bring even more attention to him and his name. The two boys smiled, nodding because they already knew. They sat down in the chairs nearest to Luke, almost barricading him from everyone else's peering eyes. Calum was beside, Michael directly in front of him. Still, Luke dropped lower in his seat, trying to make his body seem invisible, wishing it could actually happen.

As class started, the unavoidable "Luke, why don't you introduce yourself," was directed to him from the teacher. As a response, Luke merely shook his head and just kept staring down. He wasn't about to give any details about himself now. It wasn't as though the teacher hadn't told the other students his life story, warning them not to bring anything of his past up into conversation. Luke watched Michael glance back with an almost sympathetic look, before turning around to focus on the teacher's words. 

But, Luke couldn't focus on the teacher. Or anything that was being said. All he could see any time he looked up were all the stares from his classmates. And Luke knew exactly what all of them were thinking.

_That's the kid._

_The kid that murdered his own parents._

_******_

*Flashback*

Everyone had tried to assure Luke that it wasn't his fault. It was just an accident, everything that happened was just a big mistake. But of course they had to say that. Why would they be telling Luke that of course he was the reason that his parents died. Why would they be telling the truth.

It happened during the summer, and Luke's parents had decided that they wanted to go out for dinner. Of course, Luke had no where else to be, and found himself getting dragged along with them to the fancy restaurant, where his band shirts and black jeans didn't exactly fit the dress code.

During the evening, his parents had a little bit too much to drink, and after agreeing that they wanted to have a couple more glasses of wine, they put Luke in charge of driving them all home. Now, this of course was exciting for Luke. He had recently gotten his driver's license after failing the test the first time, and this was first opportunity he had gotten to drive without his parents constantly worrying about what he was doing.

However, as soon as the family left the restaurant, the sky darkened and immediately began to rain. In the distance, Luke was able to see and hear thunder and lightning. Their house was only a five minute drive away, but sill, Luke was nervous. How could he maneuver through the slippery streets with barely any experience. His parents however, were almost completely oblivious to thee danger. They were slightly tipsy, and enjoying themselves in the rain and darkness. Finally locating the car through a mop of flattened hair, Luke slid into the driver's seat, unlocking the doors so that his parents could get into the back.

It was a disaster. The roads were almost like ice, the wheels barely able to get a grip on the pavement. Grasping the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles turn white, Luke tried to steer the car out of the parking lot without hitting any other cars. In the back seat, he was able to hear the giggle of his parents, still unaware of what situation they had gotten their son into. As the car slowly made its way onto the main road, Luke kept trying to take deep breaths, attempting to remember all the rules of his driving tests. However, those rules couldn't have made much a of a difference in this situation, where he could barely see the lines of the road.

Peering into the darkness, it was close to impossible to figure out where he was on the road, let alone where he wanted to go. Luke made the mistake of glancing back to check on his parents. Of course, looking at the situation now, Luke knew it was the stupidest thing that he could've done in the moment. As soon as he brought his gaze back forwards, he realized that the car wasn't in the proper position on the road. Suddenly, the car lost control, and it began to turn sideways, sliding across the street.

Too late, Luke realized that the looming dark figure in front of the car was a tree. It was in that moment that he tried to regain control of the car that the side slammed full force into the trunk of the tree. Luke heard a piercing scream, presumably from his mother, but maybe even from himself, and then there was the deafening sound of crumpling metal. A flash of lightening was the last thing that Luke saw before blacking out completely, tears streaming down his face,

*End of Flashback*

Now, Luke had to live with Ashton, his older best friend, and Ash's girlfriend. Ash took full responsibility for him, almost acting like a father figure for Luke ever since the accident happened.

******

Luke shuffled down the hallway, trying to figure out how to to get to the caf. Everything in the school looked the same, the bight white walls lined with blue lockers and door frames. Eventually, he found himself in a big open space that had tables and chair taken up by hundreds of students.

 _Perfect. Now I have to figure out where to sit,_ Luke thought as he scanned the room for an open spot, preferably near the end of the table, close to an exit so he could leave quickly. 

"Luke! Luke! Over here!" He turned to see Michael and Calum sitting with two other girls at a table at the back of the cafetorium. They were waving their hands to get his attention, and that was already too much attention brought to him than needed. Taking his time to get to the table, Luke placed his bag on top and slid into the chair next to Michael. He smiled and turned around.

"Hey man, this is Lucy and Bella, I think they're in your science class tomorrow," Michael said, introducing the girls that we sitting on either side of him and Calum. Luke looked up and nodded with acknowledgement, then focusing back onto ht sandwich in his hand.

"Ah, you're smart, Ashton must've told you that the food here sucks. See, my parents don't bother making me food, so I have to buy it here." Lucy stated. At the mention of parents, Luke stiffened, closing his eyes for a heartbeat too long, and Michael noticed. 

"Um, yeah, the food...is terrible. Luke, why don't you show us your schedule and see if we have any classes together," Michael quickly said, changing the subject. Luke looked up gratefully, before reaching into his pocket and pulling out the folded piece of paper with his time table on it. Everyone looked over, trying to see if they had any classes with him.

"Hey Luke, you have music with Michael and I!" Calum said, smiling up at him. Luke nodded, already knowing that the two boys were into music from what Ashton had told him. They had planned to make a band together, but that turned into just a silly dream for them.

"And Michael was right, you do have science with us." Bella said, looking excited. Once again, Luke barely acknowledged them, chewing on his sandwich that he suddenly wished he didn't have. He wished that it had been his parents that had made it instead of Ashton in a hurry that morning. The others started talking about new music that had been released recently, but Luke noticed something on Calum's shirt that he hadn't previously. 

It was a logo of a band that he had listened to since he had been little. A band called Good Charlotte that his dad had introduced to him. A rush of memories made Luke almost gasp with emotion, and he felt himself stand up abruptly. Everyone at the table looked up at him as he gathered his belongings in a hurry and began to walk out the caf. Shoving his lunch bag into his backpack, Luke felt tears start to well in his eyes, but he knew he had never allowed himself to cry after the night of the crash. It had been the last time, Luke had promised himself.

Finding a washroom sign, Luke made a beeline for the doorway, struggling to get a baggie out of the back pocket of his bag. It was a baggie that had all of his supplies, and he fully intended to use them to make sure he wouldn't cry.


	2. Bloody Hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS THIS IS CHAPTER CONTAINS SELF HARM SO I WANT TO WARN ANYONE WHO MIGHT BE TRIGGERED BY IT.
> 
> also i tried to update as quickly as possible, hopefully you enjoy :) <3

Struggling to get the door open, Luke was relieved to see that the washroom was deserted of any student presence. Gripping the bag with his supplies, Luke headed for the stall at the very back, pushing it open with his foot and quickly sliding the lock closed behind him. Shakily, he opened the plastic and took out its contents consisting of a couple razors and a small First Aid kit. Carefully, he positioned his arm above the open toilet and rolled up his long sleeve.

It came to a surprise to him that no one had mentioned why he was wearing a hoodie in such hot weather. Trying to focus on that instead of the razor in his hand, Luke pressed the blade to the skin on his wrist, and slid along the surface, letting out a hiss. He closed his eyes, and let all of the emotions that he had been previously feeling get out of his mind. The physical pain that he was now experiencing was so much more worth it than the feelings of sadness and despair. He attempted to keep his breath steady as the razor kept going back and forth, making sure that the cuts were precisely neat. Luke had a routine, mastering it from so much practice, and it came like a second nature to him now.

As he was about finished, Luke suddenly heard the door to the washroom open and someone enter. Panicking, Luke froze, gathering up the razor and bandages to try and hide them, just in case.

"Luke?" Luke tried to figure out who was calling his name, while keeping his arm above the toilet to avoid any blood dripping on himself. 

"Y-yeah? I'm in here."

"Oh, it's Michael? I just wanted to check up on you, we were all kind of worried when you left like that. What happened?" Luke's heart started racing, trying to figure out a response to Michael's question.

"Um, yeah sorry about that. My..stomach started hurting and I wanted to make sure I wasn't going throw up or anything. Probably was the sandwich or something..." He ended with a forced laugh, trying to make it seem more believable.

"Oh okay, are you alright now? I could get you some medicine or something?" Luke was eyeing the blood ripping down his arm, and he was willing Michael not to stay any longer so that he could wrap his arm up.

"Yeah, don't worry about it, I'll be out in a minute. Thanks though."

"Alright, we're leaving the table, find us outside somewhere, okay?" Luke let out a sigh of relief at hearing that Michael was leaving.

"I'll look around for you."

"See ya Luke." With that, Luke heard the door open and close, leaving him in peace and quiet to clean himself up. The razor was covered in blood, but Luke didn't want to waste time cleaning it, so he just shoved it back into the bag. Making sure his hoodie was clear of any bloodstains, Luke grabbed a bandage and disinfectant and quickly wrapped his wrist, trying to be as efficient as possible. 

Looking around, Luke noticed that there were some droplets of blood on the toilet seat, so he ripped off a piece of toilet paper and wiped it down, flushing the evidence away. Finally, he rolled down his sleeve and fixed his beanie, certain that he looked like a mess after his ordeal. Zipping the supplies bag safely in a back pocket of his backpack, Luke exited the stall. He looked in the mirror, and sure enough, his face was paler than usual, and his eyes looked exhausted. Splashing some water on his face, Luke gripped the strap of his bag in his hand and walked out of the washroom.

Just like Michael had said, he and Calum, as well as the girls were not at the table that Luke left them. He scanned the caf, and began heading to the hallway of his next class, making sure to keep his head down in case he could be spotted by his new "friends."

******

Luke managed to find his way home after getting lost a couple times. Ashton had gone over the route with him multiple times, but without his patient instructions, it was almost impossible for Luke to know where he was going. Heading straight for his bedroom, Luke passed by Ashton's office, hoping not to be noticed. He wasn't in the mood for any small talk about school that he was sure would take place. It would just be a lame excuse from Ash's end to try and be his parents. Of course, Luke shouldn't have been acting so bitter after Ash had offer to give him a home after the accident, but the fact that someone else had to replace his parental figures did not sit well with Luke. 

Of course, Luke's attempts to pass by without getting Ashton's attention were futile as he heard someone come up to his door. 

"Hey Luke. How was school?" There it was. The school small talk that Luke was expecting.

"Um, it was okay." Luke was lying on his stomach on the bed, trying not to make the conversation any longer than it should have been. 

"Well, did you meet anyone new? Oh, were Calum or Michael in any of your classes?"

"Yeah... english and music tomorrow." Luke knew he was being dry, and Ashton seemed eager to try and continue the topic.

"What about anyone else? Did the introduce you? Any girls?" Luke rolled his eyes, trying to ignore Ashton.

"No one really...like two girls that they sat with at lunch. I didn't talk to anyone."

"Oh, okay. Well, it's alright, I'm sure you'll meet more people tomorrow."

"Yeah..probably."

"Welllll, I have to go continue my work. I'll see you at dinner?" 

"Mhm." Luke rolled over as soon as Ashton left the doorway. He went over to his desk and shuffled around with some papers. Deciding to do what he does when he's tried or stressed, Luke began to play around with some lyric ideas. He took his guitar out of the corner of the room and began strumming, writing out any words he came up with on one of the pieces of paper on his desk. After about an hour Luke pulled out his phone. He saw that there was a new text message from Michael, who had given Luke his and Calum's number during english.

 _michael:_   _can you ask ashton to check his phone, he's not responding_

_luke: yeah sure one sec_

_michael: thanks man_

Luke stiffly stood up, stretching out his legs as he made his way over to Ashton's office. Peering into the doorway, Luke saw a figure slumped over in his chair at the desk. Ashton had fallen asleep while working again. It was a common occurrence, where Luke had to wake Ashton every so often, as Ash was so exhausted having to take care of not only his work and the house and his girlfriend, but now Luke. Walking over, Luke lightly pushed at Ashton's shoulder, startling the older boy awake. 

"Michael texted me. He said you weren't responding to your phone." Luke bit his lip, feeling a bit bad for having woken up Ash. Frantically, Ashton looked for his phone, locating it at the end of the other end of his desk. Reaching for it, he unlocked it to read the messages that Michael sent him.

"Thanks Luke, sorry about that," Ashton said drowsily, eyes still trying to wake up enough to comprehend what he was reading. 

"No problem, also, is Bryana making dinner tonight or should I order pizza?" Bryana was Ashton's girlfriend, and they had moved in together just before the car crash had happened. She had been just as accepting of Luke joining them in the house as Ash had. But Luke always had the feeling that he was a burden in the house. He felt like he was getting in the way of the young couple's relationship to grow. 

'"I don't think she was planning on doing anything for tonight, go ahead and order." Luke nodded and walked out, leaving Ashton to fuss over whatever work he had. He grabbed his phone and dialled the number that he had saved in his contacts for the local pizza place. After ordering, Luke made his way downstairs to set up the table. He figured it was the least he could do each night, even though both Ash and Bryana told him not to bother. 

*****

It was late at night, and Luke couldn't sleep. He had had a quite normal dinner with Bryana and Ash, leaving them to watch a movie alone together. He had gone up to his room, and was texting Cal and Michael about different music and bands. Turned out, they had exactly the same music taste as Luke did, and they all bonded over all the new artists that were being introduced in the group chat. Even after Calum went to sleep, and Michael stopped responding to the texts, Luke still had trouble falling asleep.

His mind kept wandering, replaying random parts of the day, and reminding him about his session in the washroom at school. His wrists were probably what was causing him stay awake. They were still sore from earlier today.  Luke reached under his mattress and felt the razor that he had hidden there, gliding his finger across the smooth part of the blade. He did this when he felt any kind of emotion, to remind him that there was a way out of feeling that way. Even if he wasn't using it, the razor brought him comfort and a feeling of safety. 

Luke's phone screen lit up, even though it was two in the morning, and it was a text from Michael.

_michael: hey sorry, I had to hide my phone, my parents came into my room_

_luke: lmao its ok._

Even though he probably didn't mean to, the mention of parents once again made Luke heart stop, a feeling of sadness overcome him for a second before disappearing. Luke gripped the razor, almost hard enough that it would break the skin on his palm. 

_michael: hey after school tomorrow, calum and i were planning on messing around with our instruments in the music room, wanna join?_

_luke: sure. not that I have anything else to do_

_michael: hey, you make it sound like its a bad thing to hang out with us :(_

_luke: well i mean..._

_michael: HEY!_

_luke: im joking, I'm joking, but i'll be there_

_michael: alright cool, now i really have to go to sleep_

_luke: alright gnight_

_michael: gnight bro_

Luke clicked his phone off and plugged it into the charger resting on the desk next to him. He turned over and pushed the razor far under his mattress. There was no need for it right now, as the thought of hanging out with Calum and Michael tomorrow made his mood better. Smiling for the first time in a while, Luke closed his eyes and tried to sleep. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO YAY, that was the second chapter, hoped you guys liked it! Leave a comment telling me if you did, and i always love suggestions as to what you want to see happen in the story. LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH THANK YOU FOR READING <3


	3. Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SOOSOSSOSOSOOSOSOS SORRY FOR THIS LATE UPDATE. AND ITS SUPER SHORT BECAUSE I JUST WANTED TO UPLOAD SOMETHING IM SO SORRY.

It had been a couple weeks since Luke began school, and he still wasn't able to fit in. The teachers still treated him with pity, and all the students just avoided him, as though he was going to run them all over with a car or something.

The only time Luke was able to almost forget about everything that happened was during him jam sessions with Calum and Michael almost every day after school in the music room. It started after Michael had texted him that one night, and now became a mutual agreement that they would stay there until they get kicked out, just playing around on their instruments.

At home, Luke had to begin to hide his razors and supplies even better, as Ashton was beginning to act more and more concerned about his well being. On top of everything, Bryana managed to busy herself with cleaning up Luke's room at times, without any warning. Luke heart stopped every time he noticed that the floor was actually visible, rushing to his hiding place under the mattress to make sure nothing was seen.

Thankfully, there hadn't been any incidents that had happened yet, but Luke was still more cautionary. 

It became more frequent - having to cut. The people staring at Luke in school made him feel even worse than he had before, just a constant reminder of what had done. No one ever said anything to him however. Not even Michael, or Calum. Or Ashton or Bryana. After the funeral, that had been the last time that Luke had ever heard his parents' names, as though everyone wanted him to forget about it.

The last thing he wanted to do was forget about it. How could he, those were his parents. But maybe that was an easier way out of things. By forgetting, maybe he wouldn't cut anymore. Luke knew that wasn't going to happen. He knew there was no way out his situation. Those memories were engraved in his brain, fuelling his need for self destruction, but not enough to finish the process completely.

Not enough to kill himself.

*****

"Luke, are you joining us after school again?" Michael looked at him expectantly.

"Not today Mikey. I, um, Ashton wants me home early." Luke had seen a sale on razors at the closeby drugstore, and it closed soon after school started. Luke was running low on supplies, and this was his time to stock up without anyone really questioning him.

"Alright man, if something changes, we will be in the music room like always." 

"I'll try to ask Ashton if I can't stay, but i have no idea what he wants." Luke knew that wasn't going to happen, he needed those razors.

"Just text me and let me know, okay?"

"Mhm, I will." Saying good bye to Michael, Luke made his way back down the hallway to his last class of the day. 

Over the course of the almost-month Luke had been at school, he had found out a lot about Michael and Calum. As it turns out, everyone stopped talking to Michael last year, when he came out as gay. The only people that had stayed close to him and supported him were Calum and Ash.

Luke knew exactly how that felt, when at he had come out as bisexual at his old school.

He had been the most popular guy in the grade, and after that announcement had made it around the other students, he became shunned, isolated. That was why when he moved, Luke decided not to share his sexual identity with anyone. Not that there was anyone interested in knowing more about him in the first place. So far, he even kept it a secret from Michael and Calum.

The only person that actually knew right now was Ashton, and probably Bryana. But they had promised not to share that information with anyone unless he wanted them to.

At some point, Luke knew that he had to tell Calum and Michael. They were the only ones that accepted Luke into the school, treating him almost normally, and it had been a while since Luke felt normal. But as he entered the classroom, he knew that if one person found out, that would be the end of his high school career. A bisexual murderer? Everyone would hate him more than they do now.

*****

Finally, the end of school came around, and Luke was quick to gather everything and rush outside. Sending a quick text to Michael that he had to rush home, Luke walked over to the local drugstore near his house and entered. The razors were lined up, a sign pointing out their new cheap price. Grabbing three packages of the disposable razors, Luke brought them to the cashier, making sure to not make eye contact with the person working there.

"Three packages? Why would you get three?" The cashier inquired. Luke's heart started beating, palms sweating. How was he supposed to answer?

"Oh, um, my friend wanted-" He stuttered.

"Nah, I'm just asking because you can get four packages for $5 and I was wondering if you knew about the deal." Luke breathed out a sigh of relief. Even better, he could get more razors, and not have to come back to the store for even longer.

"Oh. Sorry. I can...Can I just go and get another box?" Leaving the other three packages at the counter, Luke made his way over to the shelf, grabbing another box. He noticed some bandages on another shelf, and he took two rolls of those as well. Hastily pulling out a ten dollar bill, he paid for everything and gripped the plastic bag, running out of the store.

Checking his phone, Luke saw that Michael texted him.

_michael: hey, im coming over to talk to ash, let him know thanks_

_luke: ok, see you there._

Now, Luke had to run to get home before Michael did. Shoving the bag of supplies in his backpack, Luke began to sprint home. However, he didn't see the person in his way, and he proceeded to crash straight into them. Luke felt himself fall, the contents of his slightly unzipped bag spilling out. 

"Luke?" Looking up, Luke made eye contact with Mikey. Frantically, he rushed to collect everything that had fallen out. "I'm sorry bro, let me help."

"No, no, no I got it." However Michael ignored him and crouched down, picking up a plastic bag full of bandage and razors and disinfectant. Luke held his breath, willing Michael to just pass him the bag.

Suddenly, Michael stared at the bag, then back at Luke, his eyes trailing down to Luke's long sleeve covered forearms. Jumping up, he began to sprint away from Luke, clutching the bag in his hands. Making sure everyone was secured in his backpack, Luke began to run after Michael.

_Where the fuck was he going?_

Then it all made sense. Michael was running in the direction of Luke's house.  _Ashton._

"No! Michael! Michael don't tell him!" Michael continued to run, racing up the street trying to reach the house. "Mikey wait, stop, you can't tell him!"

Luke was out of breath, trying to reach Michael to stop him. However Michael was determined not to get caught. He was fullout sprinting, and this was the first time that Luke had ever seen him do so. And right now, Luke was scared to death.

If Ashton found out...... Luke didn't even want to think about what would happen. The fact that Michael knew was still sinking in. And now he was about to tell the one person that Luke was trying to make sure would never find out.

Luke's house came into view, and Luke put all of his energy to speed up and catch up to Michael. Michael had reached the house, and pulled open the unlocked door. Just as Michael began to run up the stairs to Ashton's office, Luke finally caught up to him.

Reaching out, Luke grabbed Michael's shoulder, pulling him to the ground. Both of them stumbled and fell, a mess of limbs and bodies at the base of the staircase. Taking huge breaths of air, the boys stared at each other.

Suddenly, from the top of the staircase, the sounds of running were heard, and Ashton's head appeared, looking down at the fallen boys.

"What's going on here?"

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY I PROMISE I WILL TRY HARDER TO UPDATE QUICKER. let me know what you think of the story so far, thank you SO MUCH for reading !!!


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